Remember when I was looking for hook-ups in my cousin’s Hello Kitty bedroom when I was in the States? While searching on Google for bear-only apps, I came across an ad for something called ‘The Bear Party’ in Manhattan. It was a sex party that advertised mostly to bears but assured that any type of guy was welcome to join. In other words, it was an orgy, and I wanted to go.
Josh became incredibly weird after our sleepover. As far as I could tell, we were on good terms when he left, even after I sort of rejected him. Okay, okay… now, I’m being vague. Here’s what happened:
After he left, he sent me two messages that weren’t indicative of anything. He didn’t say whether or not he wanted to go out again. He only said that he was going North for the day, then later told me that he would be sleeping there unexpectedly. He stopped replying to any of my messages the next day, but on the third day, he called. I answered to the sound of nothing; it was twenty seconds of me saying hello repeatedly to a silent caller. The day after that, he blocked me on Facebook.
I was in Japan a week after Valentine’s Day. I was having a fabulous time when out of nowhere, Josh, a guy I dated five months ago and never spoke to again, sent me a message. I thought he was in Tokyo, too, which excited me because I had yet to hook up with someone in Japan, and I knew that he was DTF… or at least he was when we were still dating. Unfortunately, he just told me that he was in town, and by in town, he meant in Manila. Part of why we never talked after our last date was because I saw on Facebook that he had moved to Cebu. I also dated him at around the same time I dated Walt and some other guy, and sort of chose Walt over the two of them.
Last January, in an attempt to move on from the mess I made with Walt, I logged back into my dating apps. I never deleted them while we were still together for the occasional flirt, but unlike him, I never cheated.
Dave was the first to message me. Immediately, I thought that I would be downgrading from Walt. He wasn’t as cute, by at least four notches down. He wasn’t as tall, which was a disappointment because I liked tall guys. Worst of all, his job put us in very different worlds.
I’m not going to lie. Money, specifically, the lack of it, can be a deal-breaker for me. I wouldn’t classify my family as upper class or even as upper-middle class, but I don’t identify us as anything lower than middle class either. I’m not a snob; I have friends from all walks of life, but there is a lifestyle that I am accustomed to and that I am not willing to compromise for someone else’s comfort. I guess money being an issue boils down to my primal instinct to survive.
[The following story immediately proceeds the events of No. 19 | Broken Hearts Day]
Walking into the Palace Pool Club felt like walking into the past—like I was 16 again, when underage drinking was cool because that was kids in our school were known for, and I felt like I belonged somewhere. We got drunk with strangers, and didn’t care who saw us dance. What set that night apart was the age difference. Being 16 was five years ago, and that night, not only was I dressed better, I was more confident, too. I was determined to kiss a boy.
Accepting that we would all still be single by Valentine’s Day, my girl friends and I agreed to take each other out. February 14th was also a special occasion for myself, for reasons I will not disclose, as they would reveal my identity. Astrid, whom everyone thought was my girlfriend because of the amount of time we spent together,1 made reservations at FOO’D in Shangri-La BGC. We made plans to dress up for the night, and using her connections, Audrey, who completed our little trio, arranged for us to have drinks at the Palace Pool Club after dinner.
Come February, following a year of having casual sex, dating three guys in two days, and exclusively dating one for six months, I couldn’t help but wonder how, two weeks before Valentine’s Day, I was single and dateless. Truthfully, I knew the answer, and it was pretty obvious—I was single and dateless two weeks before Valentine’s because I broke up with Walt, who had promised that he’d take me out on Valentine’s Day, what would have been my first one with a guy, when we were still happy and had each other in our futures. But our breakup isn’t what this is about. This is about Cody.