Hokkaido, Japan, fourth week of April 2017
“You’ll never believe what just happened,” I started telling Astrid over the phone. I was dressed in a kimono, sitting on a hotel bed in Hokkaido. Standing outside my window was a mountain whose name I could not remember, and at its feet was the sleepy Japanese town I just spent the day shopping in. I was not about to brag about my view to Astrid, however. She had been to far more grandiose places than I have been, but I had news that would impress her infinitely more than any mountain in the world could.
Third week of April 2017
Hey. It’s 10. Haha, I texted Kulas. This was all too familiar. I figured, minutes from now, I’m going to receive a text with an insincere apology for needing to reschedule, followed by an excuse that 1) tells me I wasn’t important enough to be on time for, and 2) defeats the purpose of the apology because the excuse was meant to make me feel inferior. Another fantasy I put so much thought into was about to be thrown out again, only this time, I wasn’t wearing a hospital gown for a night of doctor-patient role playing, I was in a cat onesie1 to pay tribute to the gravity of meow in our dramatic prelude to becoming boyfriends.
Second week of April 2017
“I miss the way we talk [sic] last night,” Kulas told me on Instagram Direct. “Am I being clingy?” he added.
For someone who allegedly wasn’t looking for a relationship, what Kulas sent told me otherwise. When I went to bed after he left from our first date, he also went through my Instagram feed and liked the cutest photos of me. He was definitely being clingy, and I was legitimately confused about how to deal with him. If the rumors about him being a fuccboi were true, and if he were serious about not wanting a relationship, I had to be careful. On the other hand, he could be easing his way into telling me that he liked me, and if that were the case, I was allowed to be a little more myself.1
Manila, first week of April 2017
“He’s not really my type, but I’ll swipe right anyway because he’s sort of cute, and I’m really horny,” I thought about this guy I was on the fence with on Tinder. I know that at the start of the year, I said that I would be looking for something serious, but old habits die hard. I’m back to taking what I can get. From his profile, Kulas looked like he was 5’4”. He was giving me subtle fuccboi vibes from the outfits1 he had on in his photos, but he did go to a good school2. Thank God we matched, or else, all of this judgment would have been for nothing (except for my satisfaction because I’m a bitch).
Remember when I was looking for hook-ups in my cousin’s Hello Kitty bedroom when I was in the States? While searching on Google for bear-only apps, I came across an ad for something called ‘The Bear Party’ in Manhattan. It was a sex party that advertised mostly to bears but assured that any type of guy was welcome to join. In other words, it was an orgy, and I wanted to go.
No. 22 | Kissing Boys, three
Josh became incredibly weird after our sleepover. As far as I could tell, we were on good terms when he left, even after I sort of rejected him. Okay, okay… now, I’m being vague. Here’s what happened:
After he left, he sent me two messages that weren’t indicative of anything. He didn’t say whether or not he wanted to go out again. He only said that he was going North for the day, then later told me that he would be sleeping there unexpectedly. He stopped replying to any of my messages the next day, but on the third day, he called. I answered to the sound of nothing; it was twenty seconds of me saying hello repeatedly to a silent caller. The day after that, he blocked me on Facebook.
No. 18 | Kissing Boys
I was in Japan a week after Valentine’s Day. I was having a fabulous time when out of nowhere, Josh, a guy I dated five months ago and never spoke to again, sent me a message. I thought he was in Tokyo, too, which excited me because I had yet to hook up with someone in Japan, and I knew that he was DTF… or at least he was when we were still dating. Unfortunately, he just told me that he was in town, and by in town, he meant in Manila. Part of why we never talked after our last date was because I saw on Facebook that he had moved to Cebu. I also dated him at around the same time I dated Walt and some other guy, and sort of chose Walt over the two of them.