No. 23 | Mister Mistress

Recommended reading:

No. 22 | Kissing Boys, three

Josh became incredibly weird after our sleepover. As far as I could tell, we were on good terms when he left, even after I sort of rejected him. Okay, okay… now, I’m being vague. Here’s what happened:

After he left, he sent me two messages that weren’t indicative of anything. He didn’t say whether or not he wanted to go out again. He only said that he was going North for the day, then later told me that he would be sleeping there unexpectedly. He stopped replying to any of my messages the next day, but on the third day, he called. I answered to the sound of nothing; it was twenty seconds of me saying hello repeatedly to a silent caller. The day after that, he blocked me on Facebook.

I ignored it, and assumed that he was pissed at me for telling him that we wouldn’t work out as a couple because I’d most likely cheat on him. He did mention something about having a big ego, although I’m not entirely sure because as someone who has an even bigger ego, I rarely listen to anything that isn’t about me. Weeks went by, and the memories of our sleepover were no longer the most significant tenants in my mind… until this happened:

I consulted the girls on what to do. Audrey suggested that I come clean because I was innocent, after all. Astrid agreed, but warned me to be careful. It could be a trap. For all we knew, it could be Josh pretending to be someone else using his Facebook to make me admit doing unspeakable things that I’ve shared in this blog under the protection of a fake identity. Such information could later be used for blackmail, oui? So that’s what I did—I came clean without revealing too much. I told whomever I was speaking to a compressed anecdote of how Josh picked me up at the airport, had dinner with me, had sex with me, and slept over. I said that I was sorry, and that Josh and I hadn’t even been speaking for months until he offered to see me. He never mentioned having a boyfriend, either, but I guess that’s not something you tell a person you’re trying to have sex with.

I thought that that would be the end of it because it was such an uncomfortable conversation. I felt bad for getting in between them (if that’s what I did), especially after almost ruining a marriage by consciously getting involved with a married man last year. But no, Josh’s boyfriend wanted to know every little detail. Who topped? Who bottomed? How long ago was our last conversation? Was Josh in love with me? It was all so overwhelming, it began to feel stupid. It was one night of bad decisions that I would have preferred to keep private. So, like the millennial that I truly was, I left everything on seen for two hours before sending my last I’m sorry message.

Almost as if he was reading my conversation with his boyfriend, Josh texted me, asking if someone claiming to be his boyfriend talked to me. I said yes, obviously seeking an explanation. “He’s some psycho using my account,” he explained. I bought it for the sake of getting over what had just happened. I didn’t know what to believe anymore, and quite frankly, Josh was being to dramatic for me to chase him down. Time to move on to another man, I guess, even if he is the 15th guy I’ve dated in a year.


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