No. 22 | Kissing Boys, three

Recommended reading:

No. 18 | Kissing Boys

I was in Japan a week after Valentine’s Day. I was having a fabulous time when out of nowhere, Josh, a guy I dated five months ago and never spoke to again, sent me a message. I thought he was in Tokyo, too, which excited me because I had yet to hook up with someone in Japan, and I knew that he was DTF… or at least he was when we were still dating. Unfortunately, he just told me that he was in town, and by in town, he meant in Manila. Part of why we never talked after our last date was because I saw on Facebook that he had moved to Cebu. I also dated him at around the same time I dated Walt and some other guy, and sort of chose Walt over the two of them.

Anyway, he offered to pick me up at the airport when I went home. I agreed on the condition that I buy him dinner and that he sleep over my condo to catch up.1 He picked me up; I got him dinner, then we went to my place after, as promised. Catching up, however, was a little more interesting than I had initially expected. I wasn’t really prepared to answer why I hadn’t spoken to him in the last five months, and it was stupid of me not to think about it before accepting his offer to pick me up at the airport. But because I was trying to be more mature about my relationships, I just told him the truth.

As it turns out, telling the truth had its consequences. Telling him all about Walt and how I dated three guys in two days was how I found out that he had been cheating on me the entire time we were together. Josh asked me over and over when Walt and I were dating, because he was sure that Walt had asked Josh to join him in a threesome. I could only assume that the threesome wasn’t with me because Walt and I never discussed it.2

In retaliation, I told Josh that I had recently dated Cody. Yup, Josh is why Cody was hell-bent on not wanting a relationship. Finding out about Cody kind of triggered Josh. He wasn’t happy with how their relationship turned out because apparently, Cody was giving him all the wrong signals, and Josh was merely reacting to the same.3 By then, we had shat on each other’s moods, and to compensate for the cloud of awkwardness Josh formed above our heads, he took out a bong.

I was so bad at smoking the damn thing. Until that night, I had only done drugs once before, and that was two years ago, and we smoked joints, which were a pretty straightforward ordeal. Anyway, I nearly burned my eyebrows off because I lit the lighter too closely to my face, so Josh had to hold it for me. I don’t know the best way to describe how we looked—cute, from my perspective because a cute boy was lighting a bong for me; stupid was acceptable, too.

I was so stoned, I was wearing a cat onesie and a cat headband I got from Harajuku. We were making out on my bed, which was covered with Kit-Kat wrappers, opened and unopened, all the while leaving the lights on because we were too stoned to climb out of bed and to switch the lights off. It got so intense that I banged my head against the headboard, making the headband dig into my scalp. I screamed, “ouch, my headband!” then took it off and tossed it to the floor. Realizing what I had just said, I was suspended in a moment of clarity, and told Josh, “Oh my F-ing God, I just Blair Waldorf-ed.”4 Just like that, the moment of clarity evaporated. And then I lost my head.

I haven’t been fucked that good since my last good date with Walt.

I thought he would be gone by morning, but when I woke up, his hand was still in mine. I made coffee while I waited for him to get up, and when he did, I asked him, “What happens next?”

“I don’t know. You know I’m not a relationship person.”

“Hypothetically, though, would you try with me?” I asked this while cuddling him now.

“I would, but I’m only here for a week, then it’s back to Cebu.”

“That’s right. It wouldn’t work out anyway. I can’t do long distance, so I’d probably cheat on you.”

And that was that. No hard feelings, just a lot of nothing. I didn’t know how to explain how I felt until a few weeks after that conversation. I kissed him goodbye on the elevator ride down, and that was the last I saw of him.5

  1. Oh, I was planning to do a lot more than catching up.
  2. Not to worry, I had ammo of my own, and because Walt and I had already broken up last December, he’s free to do whatever the fuck he wanted to do. Him cheating on me said a lot more about him than it did about me, anyway. I appreciated Josh for telling me the truth, too. At the very least, it helped me to stop wondering what went wrong with me and Walt, and whatever that was was all on him.
  3. To refresh your memory, Cody thought Josh was being too clingy. They only went on four dates.
  4. For reference:
  5. As of April 20, 2017. Who knows? Maybe we’ll see each other again in five months.

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