One for the Road

As the year comes to a close, it’s always nice to look back and reflect on what had been. I’m definitely not the same person as I was at the start of 2016, both for good and for bad reasons, but the same reasons have allowed me to grow.

Whether or not I am to be believed, I was optimistic at the start of the year, and I had every reason to be: I still had a valid excuse to be on vacation until June; I had a weekend abroad planned; I had a handful of opportunities waiting to be grabbed. But a few days in, the overwhelming weight of reality set in: I had nothing figured out, that weekend abroad flew by; the opportunities seem to have with a hefty price tag that I simply could not afford. On top of that, I was turning 20, running out of hope and money, and single. I surprised myself by coming up with a Birthday wishlist that had no material things at all, and I eventually got everything I wanted… until I let self-doubt get the best of me and take everything back.

When that kind of thing happens to you, it usually takes you to a bad place. I voluntarily put a blot on my academic track record. I gave myself seemingly valid excuses for my bad behavior. I destroyed two relationships, of which one was destined to fail, and the other I failed to fight for. I went through two suicide attempts because I no longer wanted to try. I’m broken in places, but I’m still alive.

Happy New Year, everyone!

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